Zero tolerance, yea that’s what they keep telling us at all of those trainings, on all of the pretty fliers posted up in the break room. Zero tolerance for harassment, for violence, for bullying, for hostility, the list goes on. Zero tolerance.
There is also zero tolerance for retaliation and reprisal, basically there is zero tolerance for payback.
Speak up when you see something wrong, they say. Tell someone when a red flag goes up, there’s zero tolerance for people coming back at you, they say. God, how I wish this was true. I wish I could look into the eyes of the women I mentor while encouraging them to stand up and promise them they will be safe from the kickback of their superiors or even peers. No, retaliation is not allowed by policy, but we all know that reprisal lives and thrives in the work place in social clubs on teams, basically wherever humans gather and decide they don’t like what one of them is saying, reprisal occurs in some form or another. It can be as simple as an eye roll or as serious as a physical beating.
In the work place you can’t tell someone, “hey, I don’t like what you did, I don’t like what you said, I don’t like that you filed a complaint, I didn’t like the way you did that TPS report, so I am going to do something mean to you.” No of course it is not that blatant because everyone knows it is not allowed, meaning you can’t get caught. If you want to get someone back for speaking up about something you wished they’d shut up about, you have to be smarter than that.
So what about the sneaky retaliation? The sly little snakes that slither around in the dark and just wait for an opportunity to mess up your world? This can be a thousand times worse if they are your superior. You all know what I am talking about, it is that simple thing you need as an employee. You ask a question, you request an opportunity, something that any other day would have been okay. And they either ignore you or give you a really good excuse that they label as justification. Its an excuse that they didn’t give you last year when you asked for the same thing. So, what is different now? What did you do to piss them off? Did you speak up when no one else would? Did you raise your hand in that meeting and share your opinion, your thoughts? Maybe your opinion didn’t match that of your superiors. Did you speak out just like the men in the group who are still getting the same opportunities and treatment, but you’re not? Did the men who spoke out, if they even had guts to, ask questions or challenge ideas? Did you maybe file a complaint? Did ya, dare I say it, tattle on your boss? Did you go above his head and follow the chain of command the way you were trained to do? Now all of a sudden you can’t go to that conference or take whatever special opportunity you needed to advance your career. Nope, your supervisor has ten reasons now why you should be held back and they probably all point to you, with the intent to make you look like the problem. It happens every day and yes, in male dominated workplaces, it happens to women far more than it happens to men. There is no reason for me to post scientific stats, or link testimonies of proof, its been proven and if you are a gal in one of these situations, there is no doubt.
We have to stop pretending this doesn’t happen. We have to stop saying there is zero tolerance for reprisal and find a way to not let the slithering individuals out there use their crafty manipulative power to hurt those who cry out for help. The ripple effects are so painful, even deadly sometimes. Other employees who don’t even know they have become a part of it are influenced by the façade these snakes present and they join right in, hurting the woman who spoke out, without even realizing it.
I would love to hear from anyone woman who has experienced this in the fire, military or law enforcement professions. How did you experience reprisal? Was there anything you could do about it or was it so cloaked with justifications that no one would believe you? What did you do? Anything you can share to help other women understand and not feel so alone is welcome. You can write to me anonymously if you wish, or comment below. Yep, you can even name names if you feel the need. I swear to you as a woman in the fire service who has beat down to nearly nothing I will hold your information as privately or publicly as you wish. Bringing forth your stories is how I plan to make a change. I will not disappear silently like they wish I would. I promise to make something good out of all our pain.
