I wish it was as easy as telling you to stop hiding. I wish I could say you’re safe to speak up and attach your name in bold letters when preaching what’s right and true. I would be lying if I did. Sure, there are women out there who have stepped up, let their voices be heard and been greeted with respect and solution, however that is a very rare case. The truth is, those with the most riveting, organizationally shocking, deeply internal tid-bits of darkness, no matter how small or grand, usually back away quietly into the shadows, to protect a job they love and resist retaliation not only professionally but in their personal lives too. You may think to yourself, why be so fearful? Well, she’s in fear because she has either watched something horrible happen to someone she respects, or she’s experienced it herself before. What’s even more troubling is, not all but most men are afraid to speak out when they see a woman being bullied or retaliated upon. They are keenly aware of the risk they take when joining the unpopular minority that is the victim or maybe even the complainant.
With all of that in mind, I would like to give you a place to put it out there, to name names, and share details of truth you may have been afraid to in the past. You don’t have to mention your name or location. However if you would like, you can comment with as many details you feel are necessary. Names of those who have wronged you or someone else are okay here, you could even be protecting someone in the future whom you’ll never meet. I would rather risk details being skewed by victims in pain than to carry on with supporting fear mongering that accompanies the attachment of names branded to rumors that thrive from the mouths of guilty parties. Bullies and harassers don’t fear being called out. They know that nine times out of ten, even if someone calls them out in a complaint, their school yard tribe will protect them, along with an agency process of endless steps that a victim can rarely maintain the energy and faith for. I challenge not only women but men as well to share witnessed instances of harassment and bullying in the comments below. Rumors are not welcomed, only truth. One day when people are more worried about being called out in a forum such as this, more so than someone going to all the trouble of filing an official drawn out complaint on them, they will think twice about how they treat others or the behavior they allow around them not only in the workplace but off the clock as well.
Incase you are racking your brain trying to remember what applies to the terms, bullying or harassment, wondering if you’ve ever actually witnessed such behavior, please review these samples below:
Workplace Bullying
1 Deceit. Repeatedly lying, not telling the truth, concealing the truth, deceiving others to get one’s way, and creating false hopes with no plans to fulfill them
2 Intimidation. Overt or veiled threats; fear-inducing communication and behavior
3 Ignoring. Purposefully ignoring, avoiding, or not paying attention to someone; “forgetting” to invite someone to a meeting; selectively greeting or interacting with others besides a victim
4 Isolation/exclusion. Intentionally excluding someone or making them feel socially or physically isolated from a group; purposefully excluding someone from decisions, conversations, and work-related events
5 Rationalization. Constantly justifying or defending behavior or making excuses for acting in a particular manner
6 Minimization. Minimizing, discounting, or failing to address someone’s legitimate concerns or feelings
7 Diversion. Dodging issues, acting oblivious or playing dumb, changing the subject to distract away from the issue, canceling meetings, and avoiding people
8 Shame and guilt. Making an employee constantly feel that they are the problem, shaming them for no real wrongdoing, or making them feel inadequate and unworthy
9 Undermining work. Deliberately delaying and blocking an employee’s work, progress on a project or assignment, or success; repeated betrayal; promising them projects and then giving them to others; alternating supportive and undermining behavior
10 Pitting employees against each other. Unnecessarily and deliberately pitting employees against one another to drive competition, create conflict, or establish winners and losers; encouraging employees to turn against one another
11 Removal of responsibility. Removing someone’s responsibilities, changing their role, or replacing aspects of their job without cause
12 Impossible or changing expectations. Setting nearly impossible expectations and work guidelines; changing those expectations to set up employees to fail
13 Constant change and inconsistency. Constantly changing expectations, guidelines, and scope of assignments; constant inconsistency of word and action (e.g. not following through on things said)
14 Mood swings. Frequently changing moods and emotions; sharp and sudden shifts in emotions
15 Criticism. Constantly criticizing someone’s work or behavior, usually for unwarranted reasons
16 Withholding information. Intentionally withholding information from someone or giving them the wrong information
17 Projection of blame. Shifting blame to others and using them as a scapegoat; not taking responsibility for problems or issues
18 Taking credit. Taking or stealing credit for other people’s ideas and contributions without acknowledging them
19 Seduction. Using excessive flattery and compliments to get people to trust them, lower their defenses, and be more responsive to manipulative behavior
20 Creating a feeling of uselessness. Making an employee feel underused; intentionally rarely delegating or communicating with the employee about their work or progress; persistently giving employees unfavorable duties and responsibilities
Not-So-Subtle Signs of Bullying
Bullying can also be more obvious. These signs tend to be more commonly associated with bullying.
1 Aggression. Yelling or shouting at an employee; exhibiting anger or aggression verbally or non-verbally (e.g. pounding a desk)
2 Intrusion. Tampering with someone’s personal belongings; intruding on someone by unnecessarily lurking around their desk; stalking, spying, or pestering someone
3 Coercion. Aggressively forcing or persuading someone to say or do things against their will or better judgment
4 Punishment. Undeservedly punishing an employee with physical discipline, psychologically through passive aggression, or emotionally through isolation
5 Belittling. Persistently disparaging someone or their opinions, ideas, work, or personal circumstances in an undeserving manner
6 Embarrassment. Embarrassing, degrading, or humiliating an employee publically in front of others
7 Revenge. Acting vindictive towards someone; seeking unfair revenge when a mistake happens; retaliating against an employee
8 Threats. Threatening unwarranted punishment, discipline, termination, and/or physical, emotional, or psychological abuse
9 Offensive communication. Communicating offensively by using profanity, demeaning jokes, untrue rumors or gossip, or harassment
10 Campaigning. Launching an overt or underhanded campaign to “oust” a person out of their job or the organization
11 Blocking advancement or growth. Impeding an employee’s progression, growth, and/or advancement in the organization unfairly
Workplace Harassment
is defined in each workplace usually via a policy, poster or link far better than bullying. Here are a few links if you aren sure what you’ve witnessed may be harassment.
https://www.eeoc.gov/laws/types/harassment.cfm
https://www.dol.gov/oasam/programs/crc/2011-workplace-harassment.htm
https://www.thebalance.com/what-makes-a-work-environment-hostile-1919363
Fewer Fed Employees Quitting, More Stuck in Hostile Work Environments
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Workplace_harassment
